You know you’ve gone to the other side when….
I think any girl or guy can be crazy obsessed with horses, whether or not they have a horse (or have even touched a horse). Some parents and friends will hope the crazy will subside once you finally get a horse, however, we all know this is not the case. The crazy is a one way street. It simply grows exponentially without end until something bad happens.
Sending super low quality selfies to your mom on your way to the barn.
Here are some examples of my journey of crossing to the other side, using improper fluidity between the meaning of I and you. Every time I say “you” I am giving ridiculously specific examples of things from my actual life. I thought about changing it all to say “I,” but then, laziness. Hopefully you feel some kind of connection to these blurbs.
Cocoa the donkey. I think that’s how we spell his name, I don’t write it, often!
You grew up with a donkey. You wished so badly it was a horse, but, it was mighty close! You made it your life’s mission to domesticate him.
As a little kid you were SO PUMPED to inspect hay and wondered what it was like for a horse to eat it. You plucked samples out of people’s bales and studied them scientifically. Hay rides were GOLD! Sitting on a bale and snorting up those allergies was like a dream come true!
It’s the ghost of ponies future! Just hang in there, younger self, you DO get a pony at the end of the story!!
Going antique shopping with your mom because you know there’s a chance you might find an old saddle in there. Or an original copy of Black Beauty. Or a horse figurine. Or more TACK!
Justifying how you’re sort of a cowgirl already because you live in Texas. Step 1 accomplished!
Speaking of being a Texan, my mom sent me this salsa from Texas for my birthday- I LOVE IT! Not sure if it’s Texas made, but I love it just the same! Salsa=LIFE.
Finding yourself fascinated by leather shops which had literally no equestrian products in them. But you got to learn about LEATHER! And, more importantly, you got to SMELL IT.
Striking up conversations as a child with cowboy hat shaper guy. Cowboy hat shaper guy=Gandalf.
Wrangling your parents into helping you try that horse riding rope contraption that Velvet uses in bed in National Velvet.
Having way-too-long conversations on road trips about – well what if we just pulled over and knocked on the door and asked the nice farm owners if we could ride their horses? All farm owners should have been on guard when my family drove by. I was liable to fly out the car window onto the back of a stranger’s horse.
THIS HORSE. So many riding lessons on this mare! Little teenage me! I think that was a super awesome Tegan and Sara shirt I had… Where is that, I wonder ?
Then you get older and some of your dreams come true – you get to take mother F***ING RIDING LESSONS!! Because people now see that your parents vaguely encourage the horse obsession, family and friends feel validated in buying you horse themed presents – SCORE!
You get a watch for christmas that looks like a horse head – you wear it until it falls apart completely.
You go to Barnes and Noble with your family to happily explore literature. You go to the how to tool leather books and the 101 ways to solve your riding problem books. You go to the CD section to try to find new wave nature music because there might be some kind of hoofbeat-themed track on there. You look at the photography section digging around for books about barn architecture or horse photography.
This horse was the BEST! He put up with my learning curve masterfully.
You drag your non-horsey friends to riding lessons and shows.^^^
Draw ponies. EVERYWHERE!
You have an emotional breakdown in art class because you aren’t sure you’ll ever be able to afford your own horse (as you draw a picture of a horse). Your friend says of course you’ll have a horse one day – you think of this conversation secretly every time you talk to her on the phone like 8 years later and still want to bring it up every time.
Branding all day at Philmont Scout Ranch at Ponil!!! Feeling pretty close to being a professional rancher. . . Even though I was branding water bottles. . .
You’d jump at the prospect of a 2 man horse part in a school play – obviously the best role.
Your dad buys you a leather wallet. You just smell it obsessively. It’s the thing you keep in your pocket to smell several times a day.
Taking waaaaaay too many pony-bestie selfies!
You go to the “musk and leather” type of candles at the cute boutiques, only to be massively disappointed.
You listen to Gene Autry. It’s cowboy music. You get highly offended when people sing the incorrect version of “Back in the Saddle Again.”
You graduate from an equestrian-heavy college. GO SWEET!
Your anonymous “Senior” in college requests that you dress up as a centaur from Harry Potter during the traditional week that you and the entire junior class must wear costumes to school every day. It was very hard to sit down.
You get a job at a local barn during college so that you can work off riding lessons. In addition to the riding lessons you take at college.
You free lease a horse while you exercise another. The one you exercise is insane. But cool. You get a real job and immediately find the horsey person at work to be friend with. #instantbesties
Comfort and I at our first POA show!
You spend your free weekends going to the mystical land of spotted ponies, where you eventually end up finding your very own pony!
You find a boyfriend who grew up in a foxhunting family. SCORE!
You break up with him. You remain friends with his foxhunting mom – obviously.
You find another boyfriend whose sister loves riding.
Still not quite right.
You find another boyfriend. He likes riding! In cars….
You break up with him.
You find another boyfriend, he grew up with ponies- SCORE!
You keep dating him. You buy a pony. He keeps dating you. You kind of date your pony.
You go home on the weekends with your friends who own horses so you can sort of creepily study them.
You become clinically insane.