Yesterday was supposed to be canter day and I was SO excited. I built up to it for like a week and a half because it was my present to myself for my birthday – to get some damn gumption and ride like a real rider instead of just walking and trotting like a little b****. It was such a failure and I completely messed up because I forgot the #1 rule of horses ALWAYS STOP ON A GOOD NOTE and the other #1 rule about horses YOU ARE A TEAM.
Sometimes I just get so wrapped up in a ride that I can’t let go until it comes out perfect. If it was perfect the last ride, why can’t it be perfect this ride? Even though Comfort offered a much improved trot rhythm, I was SO frustrated because it was completely impossible to ask her for a walk. I couldn’t do trot to walk transitions to save my life. And I got SO in her face, and I was so demanding and unkind with my hands. I just couldn’t control her. I couldn’t do a half halt at a posting trot, and I couldn’t get her to stop off the reins, and I couldn’t sit the trot to ask for her to slow, and sent her terrible mixed signals. I was inconsistent, I was harsh with my body, I was a BAD BAD BAD rider. I really can’t even forgive myself. I was just so terrible.
This girl deserves all my love and has my whole heart. She is the best pony there ever was.
And then I gave up on downward transitions from the trot. I held her on contact for ages trying to do walk to canter transitions, because I was so damn determined to canter. What the hell was I thinking? I made her so resistant to my aids, I really should have gotten off 15-30 minutes after I got on. I am so disappointed in myself. I have a very willing pony but at some point she’s just done. She was done three times over by the end of that ride, and I can’t help but want to beat myself up for pushing and pushing.
I hope she forgives me. I apologized 1,000 times once I got off for the day. I gave her a bunch of peppermints and grain and snuggles and kisses and scratches in her favorite places and told her that I was such a bad rider and that she was great and I told her how sorry I was. I hope she knows that in my core, I am not that rider, and I hope she knows that I love her so much and am really sorry.
Have you ever had a day where you just feel like you were a terrible rider and hope to god your horse forgives you? I hate it when my agenda gets in the way of my relationship with my pony. What do you do when you identify that this has happened? How do you stop yourself, reset, and finish strong?